Happy Fathers Day 2018

Happy Fathers Day 2018 Best Quotes Funny Quotes Images Messages SMS Poems and Many More to share with your Father on Happy Father's Day 2018.

Category: Funny Fathers Day Quotes

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes Wishes 2018 From Daughter and Son

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes: Father’s Day Quotes and Jokes for folks who love funny quotes about fatherly blokes. Dad, Papa, Pita, whatever you call him, he deserves a good laugh. Even more than a tie clip.

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes Wishes 2018

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

Just once on Father’s Day I wish my kids would give me a #1 Dad mug instead of one with my actual ranking.
– Andy Borowitz

The only thing I really wanted for Father’s Day was the thing that made me a father in the first place. Life is hard.
– Andry H’Tims ‏@Thing_Finder

Happy Fathers Day, Dad! I wouldn’t trade you for anything. Of course, nobody’s offered me anything.
– Melanie White

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes From Daughter

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

For Father’s Day we got my dad a t-shirt that says “Do Not Resuscitate.” He wears it whenever mom takes him to the ballet.
– Greg Tamblyn

Fathers Day, when you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.
– David Letterman

At the very least, Fathers Day should mean unlimited channel surfing.
– Melanie White

I enjoy Father’s Day. It’s a time when I pause to reflect on the joy that has come into my life thanks to my two wonderful children, whose names escape me.
– Dave Barry

I got my Dad a GPS for Father’s Day. Now someone other than my mom can tell him where to go.
– Melanie White

I got my dad one of those typical Fathers Day cards. You know, with a picture of a hunting coat hanging on a peg, a duck decoy and some golf clubs leaning in the corner. Perfect card for him, because there’s nothing Dad loves more than going out in the woods on a frosty morning and beating ducks to death with a 4-iron.
– Daniel Liebert

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Short Funny Fathers Day Jokes 2018 from Daughter and Son

I would give my dad what he really wants on Father’s Day, but I can’t afford to move out yet.
– Melanie White

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

I’ve never been totally sold on the concept of Father’s Day. For one thing, it was officially declared a national holiday by Richard Nixon, so it might not even be legal.
– Dave Barry

Tomorrow is Father’s Day. My lovely kids said, “Do you need something like mom does or are you okay?”
– Albert Brooks ‏@AlbertBrooks

My 4 year old made me a card for Father’s Day.
Cheap bastard.
– Brian Hope ‏@Brianhopecomedy

Fathers Day is coming, but I figure, why get a tie for a guy who only goes out to the liquor store?
– David Letterman

Can’t wait to pick up the phone and wish my dad a happy Father’s Day on Facebook tomorrow.
– Prez Nominee Mike ‏@Northside_Mike

For Father’s Day, I just want a big box of saturated fats.
– Andry H’Tims ‏@Thing_Finder

I tried to get my dad what he really wants for Father’s Day, but Jennifer Lawrence wouldn’t return my calls. – Melanie White

Trying not to comment this morning on my co-worker’s “One of the Better Dads” coffee mug.
– Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

The message of Mother’s Day is “Mothers are amazingly good at mothering! They deserve a special day!” Whereas the message of Father’s Day is: “We’re only doing this because we have Mother’s Day.”
– Dave Barry

I have mixed emotions when I receive my Fathers Day gifts. I’m glad my children remember me. I’m disappointed they think I dress like that.
– Mike Dugan

Funny Fathers Day Quotes From Son For Dad

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes cartoon image

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

On Father’s Day, I’m doing something for my dad that he’s wanted for years. I’m getting a job.
– Melanie White

Me: I just called to say Happy Father’s Day and I love you.
Dad: That’s terrific. Hey, put the dog back on. I got another joke for him.
– Elizabeth Hackett ‏@LizHackett

Can’t remember what’s supposed to happen if your father sees his shadow today.
– Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

My 7 year old said he made me something for me for Father’s Day but won’t tell me what it is so he is being tickle-boarded.
– Brian Hope ‏@Brianhopecomedy

Maybe Darth Vader was just mad because he never got a World’s Best Dad t-shirt or coffee mug for Father’s Day.
– Ashley ‏@ashleycrem

I’ve known how to make a mint julep since I was 12, so I can’t say I never learned anything practical from my father.
– John Lyon ‏@JohnLyonTweets

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
-Mark Twain

Dad, I’m so proud of the many talents I’ve inherited from you. Happy Farters Day 2018!

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Best Short Funny Fathers Day Quotes 2018 to Share This Father’s Day

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018: If your dad has a good sense of humor, then you need to take a look at these funny Father’s Day quotes! Whether you’re looking for something funny to read aloud at a Father’s Day breakfast or some silly sentiments to write in his Father’s Day card, you’re bound to find something that will make him laugh!

Here is the list of Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” Happy Fathers Day 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“My daughter got me a “World’s Best Dad” mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“Even though I’m proud by dad invented the rear-view mirror, we’re not as close as we appear.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“Me and my dad used to play tag. He’d drive.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.'”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children. “

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story!
Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions.
Four-year-old: Why?

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” Happy Fathers Day 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

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Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018 from Son, Daughter for Dad and Friends

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

“Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano

“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth

“I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.” – George W. Bush

“There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.’” – Jim Gaffigan

“I was cesarean born. You can’t really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window.” – Steven Wright

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

“Dad… You were like a father to me.” – Ethan Tremblay (Due Date)

“My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!” – Bill Cosby

“I hate this occasion because I can never find the right card because they’re all too nice. So, I usually end up getting the blank card with the tree on it — draw a little picture of myself hanging there.” – Margaret Smith

“Dad, You’ve done a lot of great things, but you’re a very old man, and old people are useless.” – Homer Simpson

“Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.” – Homer Simpson

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

“I’m so ugly, my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“I don’t have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.” – Eugene Mirman

“Men should always change diapers. It’s a very rewarding experience. It’s mentally cleansing. It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.” – Chris Martin

“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart

“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Button

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

“As each day passes, you grow older, weaker. I’ve been working out. Revenge is near. Happy Father’s Day.” – Dan Cummins

“Children are a great comfort in your old age. And they help you reach it faster too.” – Lionel Kauffman

“I’m not loving anybody that I’m not legally required to.” – Red Forman (That 70’s Show)

“People ask what it’s like to have four kids, and I just tell them ‘picture that you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.’” – Jim Gaffigan

“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.” – Author Unknown

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