Happy Fathers Day 2018

Happy Fathers Day 2018 Best Quotes Funny Quotes Images Messages SMS Poems and Many More to share with your Father on Happy Father's Day 2018.

Category: Fathers Day Jokes

100 Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018 to Make Him Smile

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018: Want to give your dad something funny for Father’s Day 2018? Why not tell him a joke. Here are 100+ Awesome jokes about Fathers.

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

100 Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

A: Nacho cheese!

I asked my dad to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”

Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?

Voice: This is my father.

Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.

Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate.

Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!

There’s a big difference between bad jokes and dad jokes. And that difference is the first letter.

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches

A: A nervous wreck

Dad Wisdom: I know what I’m getting for Father’s Day. Last night my daughter asked me what size aftershave I wear.

Dad: Hi, Sweetie, how was school today?

Daughter: You can read all about it on my Facebook, Dad!

Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on

Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad

Dad Wisdom: Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?

Science student: When my father sees my report card!

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Dad: I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro, it’s a total rip-off.

Dad: Let me see your report card.

Son: I don’t have it.

Dad: Why not?

Son: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

“While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, “Daddy, you’re the boss in our family, right?” The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, “Yes, my little princess.” The girl then continued, “That’s because mommy put you in charge, right?”

I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, “You.”

Happy Fathers Day Jokes 2018

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Dad: How old is your father?

Child: As old as me.

Dad: How it is that possible?

Child: He became a father only when I was born.

My son wants 50% of my Father’s Day gifts. He says if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be a father.

Son: For $20, I’ll be good.

Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.

Dad Wisdom: I had a dream about a muffler last night … I woke up exhausted!

Son: Dad, I’m hungry.

Dad: Hello, Hungry, I’m Dad.

Son: Dad, I’m serious.

Dad: I thought you were Hungry?

You can tell it’s almost Father’s Day. The kids suddenly want to stop at all the garage sales.

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

 

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Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on?

Dad: I don’t think they’ll fit me.

I’m laying in bed reading a book when my dad walks in with a tape measure. About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek. I ask him, “What are you doing?” He responds, “I’m measuring your patience.”

Every year, after it turns 12:00 AM on January 1st, my dad makes the same exact jokes. “Where’s your mother, I haven’t seen her ALL YEAR!” “Man, I’m so hungry, I haven’t eaten ALL YEAR!!” “WOW, we’ve been watching this TV ALL YEAR!!”

Q: What did one ocean say to the shore?

A: Nothing. It just waved.

Happy Father’s Day 2018 to a dad that was smart enough to teach his kid to mow the lawn so he wouldn’t have to.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

A: A stick.

My dad used to carry around a frayed knot in his pocket just an old tied up piece of rope. Then any time someone asked him something and the answer was, “no”, he would just pull out the frayed knot and say, “‘fraid not!” and he would burst out laughing. Nobody else thought it was funny.

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?

A: Because he was outstanding in his field!

Dad Wisdom: I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Q: Did you get a haircut?

A: No, I got them all cut.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Q: What’s the opposite of irony?

A: Wrinkly.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, I think I’ve lost an electron. The other says, Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

Son: I’ll call you later.

Dad: Don’t call me Later, call me Dad.

Dad: What is the lunchmeat that tastes like hot dogs?

Son: Bologna?

Dad: This isn’t bologna, son, but a serious question.

Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

A: Aye Matey!

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Dad Wisdom: Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

Son: Hey, Dad, whats this movie about?

Dad: It’s about two hours.

Dad Wisdom: I gave all my dead batteries away today… free of charge.

Son: Can I watch the TV?

Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

Q: How do you take you coffee?

A: Seriously, very seriously.

Q: Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

A: Because the “p” is silent.

Jon: What’s the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot’s father?
Tom: What?
Jon: One’s a pop fly. The other’s a fly pop.

Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.

Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card.
Johnny: I don’t have it.
Johnny’s father: Why not?
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

“Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy.

“Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied.

After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”

“Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

A small boy was at the zoo with his father. They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were.

“Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…”

“Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him.

“ …Which bus would I take home?”

Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
Science student: When my father sees my report card!

Joe: What does your father do for a living?
Jon: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Joe: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Jon: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother!

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”

A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”

“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.

“I work for 7 Up!”

A book never written: “Fatherly Advice” by Buck L. Upson.

Son: For $20, I’ll be good.
Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.

Pee Wee: What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice?
Westy: Beats me.
Pee Wee: A POPsicle!

Pee Wee: How is the baby bird like its dad?
Westy: How?
Pee Wee: It’s a chirp off the old block.

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Happy Fathers Day Jokes and Funny Quotes 2018

Dad: How do you like fourth grade?
Son: It isn’t much fun.
Dad: That’s too bad. It was the best three years of my life!

Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?
Dad: No.
Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!

Jacob: I have a lot of my dad’s genes.
Dave: Really? I bet they don’t fit.

Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate.
Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!

Dan: I made a bad mistake today and gave my dad some soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast.
Jan: Was he mad?
Dan: Yup. He was foaming at the mouth!

Manny: How do you like the drum set you got for your birthday?
Theo: I love it!
Manny: Why?
Theo: Whenever I don’t play it, my dad gives me 10 bucks

Dad: Son, if you keep pulling my hair, you will have to get off my shoulders.
Tiger Cub: But, Dad, I’m just trying to get my gum back!

Who is the Winner?
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.
He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
“Who is the most obedient?” he asked.
“Who never talks back to mother? and
“Who does everything mother says?”
Five small voices replied in unison. “Okay daddy! You get the toy.”

The Joy Ride
Bob was 16 and finally got hold of his driver’s license. In order to celebrate the special day, the whole family went out to the driveway and climbed into the car to enjoy his first official drive. However, dad went to the back seat, where he sat right behind his boy. When Bob saw his dad he said “Dad, you must be fed up of the front seat after teaching me how to drive all these days Right?” “Nope!”, came the quick reply from the dad. “I’m going to sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me for the last sixteen years!”

Magic Penny
After putting their three-year-old child Brian in bed, his parents heard muffled sobs coming from his room one night. Rushing back in, they found that the child was crying hysterically when he saw them. He told his parents that he had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure that he would die now. The father, in an attempt to sober him down, took out a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it out from Brian’s ear. The child was really thrilled and stopped crying at once. In a flash, he snatched the penny from his dad’s hand, swallowed it, and then cheerfully demanded, “Do it again, Dad!”

Long-haired David
After getting his driving license, David visited home during vacation and asked his dad for the family car. His dad agreed, but put forwarded three conditions – good grades in school, a neat room and a decent haircut. After several months, David came home again. He had followed the three things that he had promised his dad, except getting his hair cut. When the father saw that his son had disobeyed him, he asked for an explanation. David smartly said, “Hey dad, even Jesus had long hair.” His Father was not someone to be taken for a ride and smilingly replied, “Yes, son, you’re absolutely right. And Jesus also walked everywhere he went.”

Who’s the Boss?
While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, “Daddy, you’re the boss in our family, right?” The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, “Yes my little princess.” The girl then continued, “That’s because mommy put you in charge, right?”

The Little Beach Bum
A father was enjoying with his five-year-old son in the beach. Suddenly, the boy pointed to a dead bird and asked his father “Dad, what happened to this chap?” The dad coolly replied “Oh this? He just died and went to Heaven,” The little boy thought for a moment and then said, “Oh My, Did God throw him back down?”

Glass of Water
A small boy came up to his dad and meekly said “Daddy, Daddy, can I have another glass of water please?” The dad replied “But I’ve given you 10 glasses of water already son!” The little boy then said, “Oh yes daddy, but the bedroom is still on fire!”

Final Touch
What do you call two people who do not hesitate to embarrass you in front of your friends? Mum and Dad!!

Christian Father’s Day Jokes

Humor and laughter can set the tone for the celebration of any occasion. Father’s day, just like any other occasion, is associated with witty sayings and rib-tickling jokes. Hilarious jokes are shared with fathers on this day, so that they can have a hearty laugh. After all, that cheerful laugh of you dad is just priceless! Below given are some hilarious Christian jokes for father’s day.

Father In Law Jokes

Often it is the mother-in-law who gets all the limelight for being well what they are than the comfortably cornered father-in-law! But if you have a father-in-law, you will know what great delight they are to be with. It is one relationship that you usually don’t give much thought into until you are into it and then you realize how special your father-in-laws can be.

Funny Father’s Day Jokes

How often do you think of thanking your father for all the joys and all the little things he has done for you without expecting anything in return? Father’s Day is the ultimate time to catch up with your dad and have some fun time together, reliving old memories and making new ones and telling him that you care. Fathers are the reason why our lives are so special. Being a dad is not easy.

Short Father’s Day Jokes

Father’s Day is one of the most special times to show your appreciation to your dearest dad. Fathers are the most cherished persons in our lives and Father’s Day is one great moment to make our dad’s feel special for being so special. Father’s Day is celebrated with great gusto all across the globe, usually on the third Sunday in the month of June. The bearing of this day is most significant in our lives, not just because of the legend that follows it, but because it is a day exclusively dedicated to daddies to commemorate their irreplaceable importance in our lives.

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Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes Wishes 2018 From Daughter and Son

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes: Father’s Day Quotes and Jokes for folks who love funny quotes about fatherly blokes. Dad, Papa, Pita, whatever you call him, he deserves a good laugh. Even more than a tie clip.

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes Wishes 2018

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

Just once on Father’s Day I wish my kids would give me a #1 Dad mug instead of one with my actual ranking.
– Andy Borowitz

The only thing I really wanted for Father’s Day was the thing that made me a father in the first place. Life is hard.
– Andry H’Tims ‏@Thing_Finder

Happy Fathers Day, Dad! I wouldn’t trade you for anything. Of course, nobody’s offered me anything.
– Melanie White

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes From Daughter

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

For Father’s Day we got my dad a t-shirt that says “Do Not Resuscitate.” He wears it whenever mom takes him to the ballet.
– Greg Tamblyn

Fathers Day, when you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.
– David Letterman

At the very least, Fathers Day should mean unlimited channel surfing.
– Melanie White

I enjoy Father’s Day. It’s a time when I pause to reflect on the joy that has come into my life thanks to my two wonderful children, whose names escape me.
– Dave Barry

I got my Dad a GPS for Father’s Day. Now someone other than my mom can tell him where to go.
– Melanie White

I got my dad one of those typical Fathers Day cards. You know, with a picture of a hunting coat hanging on a peg, a duck decoy and some golf clubs leaning in the corner. Perfect card for him, because there’s nothing Dad loves more than going out in the woods on a frosty morning and beating ducks to death with a 4-iron.
– Daniel Liebert

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Short Funny Fathers Day Jokes 2018 from Daughter and Son

I would give my dad what he really wants on Father’s Day, but I can’t afford to move out yet.
– Melanie White

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

I’ve never been totally sold on the concept of Father’s Day. For one thing, it was officially declared a national holiday by Richard Nixon, so it might not even be legal.
– Dave Barry

Tomorrow is Father’s Day. My lovely kids said, “Do you need something like mom does or are you okay?”
– Albert Brooks ‏@AlbertBrooks

My 4 year old made me a card for Father’s Day.
Cheap bastard.
– Brian Hope ‏@Brianhopecomedy

Fathers Day is coming, but I figure, why get a tie for a guy who only goes out to the liquor store?
– David Letterman

Can’t wait to pick up the phone and wish my dad a happy Father’s Day on Facebook tomorrow.
– Prez Nominee Mike ‏@Northside_Mike

For Father’s Day, I just want a big box of saturated fats.
– Andry H’Tims ‏@Thing_Finder

I tried to get my dad what he really wants for Father’s Day, but Jennifer Lawrence wouldn’t return my calls. – Melanie White

Trying not to comment this morning on my co-worker’s “One of the Better Dads” coffee mug.
– Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

The message of Mother’s Day is “Mothers are amazingly good at mothering! They deserve a special day!” Whereas the message of Father’s Day is: “We’re only doing this because we have Mother’s Day.”
– Dave Barry

I have mixed emotions when I receive my Fathers Day gifts. I’m glad my children remember me. I’m disappointed they think I dress like that.
– Mike Dugan

Funny Fathers Day Quotes From Son For Dad

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes cartoon image

Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes Jokes

On Father’s Day, I’m doing something for my dad that he’s wanted for years. I’m getting a job.
– Melanie White

Me: I just called to say Happy Father’s Day and I love you.
Dad: That’s terrific. Hey, put the dog back on. I got another joke for him.
– Elizabeth Hackett ‏@LizHackett

Can’t remember what’s supposed to happen if your father sees his shadow today.
– Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

My 7 year old said he made me something for me for Father’s Day but won’t tell me what it is so he is being tickle-boarded.
– Brian Hope ‏@Brianhopecomedy

Maybe Darth Vader was just mad because he never got a World’s Best Dad t-shirt or coffee mug for Father’s Day.
– Ashley ‏@ashleycrem

I’ve known how to make a mint julep since I was 12, so I can’t say I never learned anything practical from my father.
– John Lyon ‏@JohnLyonTweets

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
-Mark Twain

Dad, I’m so proud of the many talents I’ve inherited from you. Happy Farters Day 2018!

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Best Short Funny Fathers Day Quotes 2018 to Share This Father’s Day

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018: If your dad has a good sense of humor, then you need to take a look at these funny Father’s Day quotes! Whether you’re looking for something funny to read aloud at a Father’s Day breakfast or some silly sentiments to write in his Father’s Day card, you’re bound to find something that will make him laugh!

Here is the list of Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” Happy Fathers Day 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“My daughter got me a “World’s Best Dad” mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“Even though I’m proud by dad invented the rear-view mirror, we’re not as close as we appear.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“Me and my dad used to play tag. He’d drive.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.'”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children. “

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story!
Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions.
Four-year-old: Why?

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” Happy Fathers Day 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

Best Short Funny Fathers Day quotes 2018

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Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018 from Son, Daughter for Dad and Friends

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

“Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano

“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth

“I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.” – George W. Bush

“There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.’” – Jim Gaffigan

“I was cesarean born. You can’t really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window.” – Steven Wright

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

“Dad… You were like a father to me.” – Ethan Tremblay (Due Date)

“My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!” – Bill Cosby

“I hate this occasion because I can never find the right card because they’re all too nice. So, I usually end up getting the blank card with the tree on it — draw a little picture of myself hanging there.” – Margaret Smith

“Dad, You’ve done a lot of great things, but you’re a very old man, and old people are useless.” – Homer Simpson

“Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.” – Homer Simpson

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

“I’m so ugly, my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“I don’t have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.” – Eugene Mirman

“Men should always change diapers. It’s a very rewarding experience. It’s mentally cleansing. It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.” – Chris Martin

“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart

“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Button

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

Best Funny Dad Quotes Images 2018

“As each day passes, you grow older, weaker. I’ve been working out. Revenge is near. Happy Father’s Day.” – Dan Cummins

“Children are a great comfort in your old age. And they help you reach it faster too.” – Lionel Kauffman

“I’m not loving anybody that I’m not legally required to.” – Red Forman (That 70’s Show)

“People ask what it’s like to have four kids, and I just tell them ‘picture that you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.’” – Jim Gaffigan

“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.” – Author Unknown

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Happy Fathers Day 2018 © 2018
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